Our top five Ian Holloway quotes, and what they can teach you about email marketing.

Five pearls of Bristol wisdom

Legendary pundit, former football manager and player Ian Holloway is one of Kingswood’s most famous, and certainly most hilarious, exports. Despite being in South Gloucestershire, in footballing terms at least, Kingswood still counts as Bristol. As well as his various sporting achievements, he’s known for moments of pure comedic gold in interviews, which contain some perfect Bristolian pearls of wisdom. Naturally, being a Bristol-based email marketing company, we’ve taken the best of the best and applied them to the world of email marketing.  Here’s a lighthearted countdown of Ollie’s top 5 quotes, and how they relate to your email marketing campaign.

5: Looking good

"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee."

Ian has an unquestionable way with words. Let’s dig down. I think what he’s trying to say here is that looks aren’t everything, as long as you still make a good cup of coffee. In marketing terms, this means that you need to ensure that your content still appeals to your readership once it’s made its first impressions. If you prefer to think of yourself as Ian here, it’s about not focusing on the negatives of a situation - instead, it’s about choosing to enjoy your metaphorical coffee. Celebrate your successes and share them with your readers. Try to ensure your campaign has everything it needs to both attract and retain attention.

4: Acting the part

If you're a burglar, it's no good poncing about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy.”

Despite the clear anti-crime message in this quote, Ollie is actually talking about the importance of doing rather than promising. In other words, you might well look like the greatest cat burglar in the world, but until you burgle a house, you’re still just a bloke dressed in black. Your marketing campaign should follow this axiom too - as above, we are talking about substance over style. It’s not just about looking good - you need to grab your reader’s attention and keep it. Meet the goals you set yourself: want to expand on a product? Generate web traffic? Rob a house? OK, perhaps not the last one, but you need to make sure that you meet those objectives you’ve set. Definitely don’t rob people’s houses though.

3: Cakes are important

In football you need to have everything in your cake mix to make the cake taste right. One little bit of ingredient that Tony uses in his cake gets talked about all the time is Rory’s throw. Call that cinnamon and he’s got a cinnamon flavoured cake. It’s not fair and it’s not right and it’s only a small part of what he does."

Where is the cinnamon in your marketing mix? Is it overpowering the general flavour, or is it languishing forgotten on the shelf? Ian knows the value of a well balanced and flavoured cake. Likewise, this can be applied to your campaign make up. Too much production, not enough content? No cinnamon. Terrible graphic design but outstanding content? Too much cinnamon. Ian is saying that you need all your components, at the right ratios, developed for the right audience, or you will fail. At Winbox we specialise in developing tailored email marketing campaigns with all the right ingredients for success.

2: Mysterious holidays

“I am a football manager. I can’t see into the future. Last year I thought I was going to Cornwall on my holidays but I ended up going to Lyme Regis.”

Holloway is a man who knows his limits, and as we can see from the above, divination is one of them. However, the key point here is that he knows he doesn’t need to predict the future just to ensure that he is prepared. I’m sure he had a lovely time in Lyme Regis -  who wouldn’t?

Credit: Plymouth Herald

Credit: Plymouth Herald

Contingency plans are essential, and should be tied to your production schedule. Maybe you have a newsletter template that you’ve developed over time, but what happens when your business suddenly has a great new product; a new type of promotion; a new client? What if you need to change your standard newsletter to be in line with your new marketing campaign at short notice? Again, you can’t predict the future, not even hilarious ex-footballers can. But you can plan to mitigate a crisis or even just a change in regular business, and still enjoy your metaphorical holiday in Lyme Regis while secretly yearning for a cream tea.  

1: The secret lives of hamsters

“He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster - that would make us all feel better. Having said that, my missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his c*ck’s massive.”

The indubitable king of the Ian Holloway quotes about Cristiano Ronaldo. I’m really not sure what to say to this one. Be the hamster?

In fact, we are seeing two kinds of marketing here, Ronaldo’s, and the hamster’s. Now, which one is likely to be putting this quote on the front of his newsletter? Well, if hamsters did email newsletters - and this would be an excellent reason for one to start - he would. You want your email campaign to hit both sides here: it needs to look great like Ronaldo, but it needs to have substance like the hamster. Your general marketing campaign should incorporate both elements, and your email strategy should take advantage of this. Celebrate your company publicly, like the hamster would with his (admittedly fictional) cover story. I guess I actually am finishing this with be the hamster. A hamster that looks like Ronaldo.

You too can be the Ronaldo hamster

As you can see above, Bristolians have a natural flair for management and creative language. Every email marketing campaign could do with this sort of input. Sadly Mr Holloway is now no longer a manager, but Marc at Winbox is another born and bred Bristolian who is more than happy to help you get your cake mix right, while looking good, and, most importantly, being the Ronaldo hamster. Get in touch today to find out how we can help!