Making Stickable Change!

We all need to make changes, at some points in our lives

And, as we all know – or should know – it’s that decision to change that moves us forward.

Whether it’s a case of you are walking along one day – and you suddenly stop – and think ‘I don’t want to do this anymore’ or ‘I really wanna do this’!

Or – maybe it’s the loss of a loved one – or the birth of a new life – that shocks you in to change – knowing your life will never be the same again.

Or, just maybe – you have spent so long in pain, frustration, anger and feeling so low – that you one day say ‘NO MORE’.

However we get to our moment – it’s what you do next that defines whether you follow through on that moment of focus and clarity.

Because we will connect mentally to the change.

We will connect physically to the change.

But unless we connect emotionally – you are more than likely doomed to failure.

And how many times have we all experienced that?

‘I’m never drinking again!’

‘I’m not eating any more cake’

‘I’ll never be treated like that ever again!’

Only – sadly – to fall in to the same trap in a matter of months, days, hours or maybe even minutes – and life goes on, as it was.

Bishop TD Jakes said it succinctly in this snippet from a sermon of his;

"There is NOTHING as powerful as a changed mind. You can change your hair, your clothing, your address, your spouse, your friends, but if you don't change your mind, the same experience will perpetuate itself over and over again because everything outwardly changed but nothing inwardly changed."

So we need to connect emotionally to change – in a positive way.

Again, a mistake we make when we try to change in our lives or businesses – is to connect it to a negative outcome.

  • 'If I don't get my sales target - I can't pay the mortgage!'
  • 'If I don't lose weight soon - I'm going to die!'

You get the message…fuelled by fear.

All you are doing is increasing the chances of failure, through your negative intensity which leads to low self-esteem, lack of confidence, anxiety and guilt.

However if you switch that – and say;

  • 'When I beat my target this month - I am going to reward myself with...'
  • 'I am losing weight, I am healthy and because of this - I have a long, successful future ahead of me...'

The same target – but the latter breeds confidence, positivity and a desire to improve!

As soon as you train your brain to look for the positive – I guarantee you that more opportunities flow your way.

I don’t (necessarily!) mean in some fluffy, magic way – but this is scientific – you train your Reticular Activating System (look it up!) to fire up and find opportunities for you.

Very simply – let me leave this with you – RED VAN.

You’ll see them everywhere now! :)

You also need to know WHY you want to make that change – and make sure it is YOU that wants to change, not circumstances, situations or others that are dictating how you should be.

Especially if you are prone to anxiety, low self-esteem, low confidence – we are naturally more subservient to stronger, more dominant characters.  Live YOUR life blueprint, nobody elses.

So now you have that nailed – you just need to work on the SMART principle to carry through your emotionally connected, positively charged change or goal;

Is your goal…

  • Specific (simple, sensible, significant).
  • Measurable (meaningful, motivating).
  • Achievable (agreed, attainable).
  • Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).
  • Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive)

Once you have done this – have it all written down (because it’s far more powerful to write down than to keep in your head!) – you can set a time frame and diarise small incremental targets and changes that you can make to help you achieve your change.

Then – my final word of advice – and please choose wisely – is to pick a partner to share this with – someone who will hold you fully accountable – whilst encouraging you at the same time. 

You can also pick someone famous and successful – who have already implemented the change you are wishing to make – and model yourself on them.  Social Media being what it is now – gives you a real insight in to how these people do things.  Follow their successes, learn from their mistakes and imagine yourself being right where they are – immerse yourself in that feeling that you are already there.

The secret to success, in my experience, is to act as if you were what you want to be NOW – and everything else will follow.

And, as always, please feel free to drop me a line if I can be of any help.

Until next time, have a fantastic month – and live the life of YOUR choosing!

Nick Elston

Founder

Talking Anxiety

nick@talkinganxiety.co.uk

@NickElston_